How High is the Sky? 你能找到国外多金男吗？

I've been seeing profiles of women who list their ideal man as one who earns over $150,000/year, owns his house outright, and drives a luxury car. Why do I find this slightly unsettling?

To start with the minor reason, the profile asks for the *ideal* mate. When the sky is the limit, it makes sense to aim high. "Why not the best?" as Jimmy Carter asked. We'd all like to marry a millionaire and be chauffered around in a Rolls Royce, myself included. Of course this is about as likely as being hit by a meteorite, but hey, I can dream, can't I? The problem is all the little red x's distort the matching, scare away potential candidates, and make you look like a snob. This is why I believe it would be better if the profile asked about the *minimum* acceptable mate.

The major reason is that I suspect these requirements are often based on misconceptions about life in the west:

1) Earns $150,000/year. This will obviously vary by country, so let's take the USA for analysis. According to Wikipedia, a family doctor (just) qualifies, but your average CEO does not. Lawyers don't even come close, to say nothing of economists, mathematicians, financial managers, professors, or engineers. About 98% of the population is eliminated, which I suspect is more than you expected.

2) Owns his house outright. This is obviously intended as an indicator of wealth, with the assumption that anyone who is financially secure owns his own house. I'm guessing this might be true in China, but it is most certainly not true everywhere. In Switzerland, for example, almost nobody owns his house outright. Not only is it very expensive, the interest rates and tax laws are such that it generally doesn't make economic sense to pay off the mortgage. The money is generally better invested elsewhere. (NOTE from CLM: It is also true of the USA and many other countries that tax laws make it beneficial to have a large mortgage on your house and to invest your money in other places.)

3) Drives a luxury car. Again, this is presumed to be an indicator of wealth. In Switzerland however, with the world's highest concentration of millionaires, it is considered bad form to flaunt one's wealth. I know people who are worth millions, but drive very ordinary cars, and old ones at that. One of the very top politicians in the country rides his bicycle to work. (NOTE from CLM: this is true throughout most Western countries including the USA, UK, Canada, Australia and most of Europe – even high income persons drive very economical and unpretentious vehicles, or even stick to public transportation and don’t own a car at all.)

So the moral of the story is that the streets are not paved with gold, and a financially stable (but not rich) man in the west probably doesn't earn $150K/year. Even a rich man don't necessarily own his house outright or drive a luxury car. What you require in a man is up to you, but you should at least know what you are asking for.


很多中国女性在自己的个人资料中对理想伴侣列出三大准则：年薪15万，有自己的房子、有豪车，这样的要求让我感到十分迷惑。

首先，这些女士对于他们理想中的男士要求太高。每个人（我也不例外）都希望嫁给（娶）一位开着劳斯莱斯带你四处兜风的多金人士，即使这个希望渺茫得如同天上掉馅饼，但那些鲜红的小X匹配会使你潜在的最佳配偶望而却步，也会让你显得非常势利。如果你能稍微降低你的择偶要求，我相信交友会变得容易许多。

这些过高的要求产生的最重要的原因其实在于对西方世界的误解。

1）年薪15万美元。显而易见，各个国家的年薪不可能是一碗水端平的。就拿美国来说，根据维基百科的资料来看，私人医生勉强可以达到这个标准，但一般公司的CEO的平均年薪也并没有那么高。律师（除去自己开业）甚至相差甚远，经济学家、数学家、财务经理教授和工程师就更不用说了。这样，约98%的人将会被淘汰，相信这也大大超出了你的期望。

2）有自己的房子。是否拥有自己的住房已经成为判断一个人经济能力好坏的标准之一了，或许这一准则的确适用于中国，但是它并不是放诸四海而皆准的，例如在瑞士，真正买房的人少之又少，不仅因为房价昂贵，买房还要承担巨额的利率和税款，这样，斥巨资买房的经济效益远远不如将钱投资到其他商业项目中去。（本网站观点：除了瑞典，美国等其他一些地方也是如此，人们更愿意将钱投资到其他地方，而不是用来还无休止的房屋贷款。）

3）开豪车。开豪车也被认为是富裕的表现。但即使是在全球富翁最为密集的瑞士，也没有人以炫富为荣。我认识很多富人，他们拥有千万资产，却开着最普通最旧的汽车，还有一位政治要员，每天骑着自行车上班。（本网站观点：瑞士并不是特例，美国、英国、加拿大、澳大利亚和绝大部分欧洲国家也是如此，很多高收入者的座驾都是非常经济朴素的，有的甚至从不买车，还有的以公交代步。）

这个故事旨在阐明西方国家也并不是遍地是黄金，一个收入稳定但不富裕的人很可能拿着低于15万的年薪，而富裕与有住房或者开昂贵的豪车也没有必然的联系。当然了，你希望寻找怎样的男士完全取决于你，但你至少得清楚你的要求到底意味着着什么。

I think you and I have read some of the same profiles!

I ride my bicycle daily and although I have a car, it sometimes goes months between uses. I have had to explain to several sceptical ladies that riding a bike is actually honourable. In fact bicycle use in Canada tends to skew to higher income earners.

This is an extremely important topic and we hope many members, men and women, will comment and provide their point of view.

For CLM we think Kalzorch is quite right to suggest that Chinese women may have a large misconception of how rich Westerners are in general and also as to how those who are rich choose to display their wealth. We suggest that if the Chinese ladies wish to have a better chance of actually attaining their goals of finding someone who is financially stable and a can provide a good home, instead of appearing to be simply after someone's money, they should express their needs in terms that are general and cover a large range of financial circumstances (for example: "He is financially stable and can provide a good home."). To avoid looking like the much discussed and maligned "Gold Digger" you should avoid speaking in terms of specific dollar amounts and specific assets.

We do not see much value in asking members to describe their "minimum" acceptable mate. Frankly we don't think this would make any difference. We suspect that the women who state something like "My ideal mate makes $150,000 per year" are describing their "minimum" acceptable mate. They mean exactly that: their minimum acceptable mate must earn $150,000 per year. Of course an even more ideal mate would make $300,000 per year.

To us the point is too describe your "ideal" mate in broad general terms, not fine details. And not to set the financial bar too high simply because you really don't understand the economic realities of the west.

Very agree with master's talk, every city has a different life habit, can't unilateral or final to sure. That is all just basic substance, is not the life complete, the key of the details of the life. In fact life as long as two people good, simple, full, eat congee also feel sweet. Have a love of days, every day is rich, happy, happy.

是的，不要把感情和高收入挂钩！现在中国有很多女孩是“宁可坐在宝马车里哭，也不要坐在自行车上笑”，这种对物质的高欲望真是挺可悲的。我只想要一个爱我的、有些能力认真工作、愿意对家庭付出的人，任何的爱情在激情过后都会归于平淡，他愿意对我付出关心爱护那么我也愿意对他付出所有....是的，生活就是这样，当然人活着也不能没有钱，所谓“贫贱夫妻百事哀”，大家一起努力，小康的生活就好了，重要的是健康快乐！这可是有钱也买不到的 ^-^

I also very agree you point, money is not the important, what is the important is you attitude to your life. Health and true love will keep you happy. Money is only the way to make you live, increse a better life.

That is the diffent culture between easten and Western.

how to deal with this problem. just deponding on your mind to the life.

hope every one find out your idea other half.

我一直认为钱是买不到真感情的，我认为感情胜过一切，我只想寻找到一位真诚的男士建立一个温馨幸福的家庭。我在这里，希望遇到你，与你牵手，看看每天的日出日落，一起坐上小帆船，去只有我们两个人的地方听听海水的声音。同时也领略大海的浩瀚，聊聊彼此的心情，捋捋爱人的头发，看看爱人多情的眼神，有一种宁静淡泊的生活足迹。我只希望有个自己的港湾，只希望能有份永恒的爱恋！有个人一直陪我慢慢变老携手走下去，直到我们老的哪儿也去不了，你还依然把我当成手心里的宝。



点点滴滴都是幸福，幸福很简单，就在两颗心相撞的一刹那间，那个不经意的时刻。其实每天都有幸福的时刻，永久的幸福就要去争取，去寻找，去实现。茫茫人海，如果你就是我遇见既懂得关心，体贴，宠爱，又是一位健康，善良，爱家庭、爱小孩、爱妻子、有责任，懂得享受生活的男人。如果哪天我遇见了你，我一定要忠诚地爱你，因为在我眼里，你胜过世界上任何一个男人，我会以你为荣，我会全身心地呵护我们的爱情，并且，也请你给予我肯定，因为一个男人给一个女人的最高荣耀和肯定就是娶她，并守护她一辈子。

. I come here and hope to meet you. We can enjoy the sunrise and sunset together. We can sit on a little boat to hear the voice of sea. We can witness the greatness of the ocean. We can talk about the feeling of each other. We can touch the hair of each other with loving hands. We look into the eyes of each other and find the peace of life. I hope there is a harbor for me. I long for an everlasting love! I hope there is someone to grow old with me. We still treasure each other until the day we are too old to go anywhere.



All simple things are happiness. Happiness is simple. When two heart knock together, that moment is happiness. In fact, there is happiness in every single moment. And we need to struggle for eternal happiness. If you are the man who is caring, kind, loving, family oriented and responsible for his future home, if I can meet you, I will follow you and love you forever. You will be better than anyone else in this world. I will be so proud of you. I will take good care of our love with all my heart and soul. And please give me your approval. The highest glory from a man to a woman is to marry her and protect her forever.

这些人，这些标准都是个例！大多数的中国女孩子希望自己能找个喜欢自己并且自己也喜欢的人，两人过着幸福的小日子！女高嫁，男低娶，这在中国还是比较普遍存在的现象！但不论父母还是本人在考虑婚姻的时候，外在的只是最为参考之一，并不会因为你年薪几百万就嫁个你，人品才是最重要的！“执子之手，与子偕老”对婚姻最美好的愿望！

Hello bmccull , what do you thought of China, you ride your bicycle how can ride to China ?
have you have new way for you other mind

话说 匹配
现在很好有一个伊甸园交友做平台，让我们感觉世界很小，交友相对容易，但是找到匹配却很难。
我说一个在中国很久以前的故事，中国古代女子，大门不出，二门不迈，不容易找到是适合男子到结婚，然后有了媒婆这个职业，到了婚嫁年龄的女子和男人，由父母出面请媒婆找适合女子或男子到婚姻。
话说有一个媒婆接到一个瘸腿男子请求，要求帮助找到合适的匹配到婚姻，媒婆怎么办呢？忽然她想到一个瞎了一只女子，他们年龄非常合适，于是安排他们首次会面，地点大门边，男子骑马来到女子家门口，瞎眼女子用门挡住那只瞎眼，另一只查看外面的骑马男子，女子惊叫，男子好帅！，男子高呼，这女子太漂亮！！！！ 然后 媒婆决定2次让他们单独见面和交谈，于是女子看到男子瘸腿，男子 看到一只瞎眼女子，女子询问：为什么你的腿瘸了，男子道：我看到你太漂亮，从马上摔下了，所以腿瘸了。你的眼？，女子道：听到你摔下马，我心疼的哭了， 然后我的眼就这样了。男子听后欣慰，于是两家人开始准备婚礼。聪明的媒婆完成了一困难的任务。

For me, the heart is the most important, the Chinese have a saying: "Money is the worldly possessions," do not have too much more than the pursuit of gold, always happy to contentment, peace and health is happiness!

For me it's simple, those shallow girls are (not serious and smart enough to research) not worth pursuing anyway.

Besides, physical beauty devaluate over time but wealth in mind compound over time, no rich persons want to marry pretty but shallow girls..

so many shameless foreign old men come here to pick up chinese young girls, hey they are younger than your daughters

HA, I thought that girls watch too much movies and thought luxury car and house means "real life".